Sometimes the truth is difficult to accept. Instead one may either consciously or not contrive new meaning which shifts responsibility from ones self to another. How much easier it is to find another at fault and thereby making one blameless. It happens frequently and honest reflection may help. For instance one may inherit less than a sibling. Rather than reflecting on possible reasons why one received less there may be an automatic inclination to yell, "foul". This now creates a victim or a wronged party rather than a seemingly unworthy beneficiary. The consequences of this protective mechanism can be a loss of connection to family and friends. Is that a price worth paying. What would happen if one, rather tban hanging ones head low in despair, reassessed the situation? Cognitive behavioral therapy helps people recognise alternative scenerios and perceptions. In this example, would it not hurt less to consider reasons other than fraud or disfavor as the reason why one's inheritence was less? Perhaps the decedent worried about one beneficiary more than others because their situation was financially more precarious than the other beneficiaries. Thinking of alternative realities that are plausible and reasonable may help one maintain better mental health as well as relationships.
The addage, "Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes" is relevant in the CBT analysis. Frequently we create conclusions without sufficient knowledge. A stare on the bus may be perceived by one as a threat. However the one staring may be deep in thought. Looking without seeing. Finding a neutral reason for another's behavior mitigates or eliminates negative emotions within ourselves. This is one thing everyone can do to ward off depression, low self esteem, and negativity. Next time you make an assumption ask yourself if you walked that mile.
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AuthorCathy Cosentino, MA, LMFTA Archives
March 2018
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